Phones are dumb
The phone is great for catching up with mom on the latest family drama, but awful for everything else.
Stop using phones to exchange important information.
Hang up that phone and write an email instead.
Phones are...
Literally a joke 🤣
Phones are so dumb they have their own game. The "game" is that it's funny when audibly exchanged information becomes garbled and unrecognizable.
Stop playing "telephone" with important information.
Think they are the army 🪖
If your communication method necessitates verifying messages with a language of "foxtrot uniform charlie kilo india november golf" nonsense, you are using the wrong communication method.
I am not trying to coordinate troop deployments, I just want my driver's license number to be correct in your system so that my car insurance is valid.
Do not remember anything 🐟
So you translate The Code from military gibberish with a 75% confidence level in its accuracy (impressive number, really). You feel more prepared now than you ever have before.
Your phone rings two weeks later, and it's time to recall The Code. You walk to the refrigerator, oh glorious holder of Post-it™ notes, and-- wait, the note... it can't be... WHERE IS IT?!??!
Write an email
All of this can be avoided by using email instead of phone calls.
The best part is, we already have this amazing technology! We've had it for decades. We will continue having it for more decades.
It's okay, you are allowed to use email.
Email is...
Always correct ✅
An email message does not break down in transit. It is delivered to you exactly as sent. It does this every single time, with no exceptions. You either receive an email, or you do not receive an email.
A game of "email" with your friends would be quite boring compared to a game of "telephone". Perhaps the computers would find it amusing? Not sure if AI is there yet or not.
Already translated 🔤
The letters of the alphabet that are combined to form the words in an email are, believe it or not, the same exact letters that you already know! Email participants do not need to use a made up alphabet to verify that each letter is indeed the correct letter.
Emails can even include adorable "picture words", or "emojis" as the kids call them. Try saying this over the phone: 😍🌋👽
Collated by robots 🤖
An email message is an array of binary data managed by a cold, heartless, robot. The robot does not misplace messages. The robot does not incorrectly recite messages. If you need to read an old message, even if it is from 10 years ago, the robot has your back.
It's indeed sad that you no longer need your Hello Kitty Post-it™ notes for phone calls, but you can if you like use pink Comic Sans MS in your email messages to retain that frilly identity of yours.
Email, text, wevs. Just no phone
Sending a text message is, believe it not, still better for exchanging information than a phone call.
As impressive as your ability to recount the very specific set of directions that lead to your location is, our own ability to memorize and then execute those steps later is lacking.
Instead, text an address. You could even text your list of impressive navigational steps. In either case, there exists now something to reference on the journey to you.
Can you send that in a text? Thanks!
Closing words (written, not spoken)
This isn't an attack on The Institution, nor an attempt to form a coalition of Citizens Raging Against Phones.
Phones are great for informal conversation-- a great medium for conducting colloquial gab. They remain, however, a suboptimal vehicle for delivering important information.
To make things simple, here is a set of questions/answers for how information should be shared-- phone, or email/text:
- Q: Will the recipient need to know this later? A: Email/Text
- Q: Does this information need to be 100% correct? A: Email/Text
- Q: Oh my god did you see what Becky was wearing the other day? Fabulous! A: Phone